The Myth of the Open Door - The Great Subtraction Series

Some opportunities do not elevate you. They just occupy you.

And the tricky part is, they usually look responsible.

They look like growth. They look like favor. They look like “God opened this door,” or “This is the next step,” or “I would be crazy to say no.”

But if you are honest, some open doors are not blessings. They are interruptions.

Not because the opportunity is bad. But because it is not yours to carry.

This week, we are confronting The Myth of the Open Door: the belief that every open door is your assignment, every opportunity is a yes, and saying no means you are missing out.

When you keep walking through every open door, your life starts feeling like a hallway. Always moving, always adjusting, always responding. Yet somehow, the things that matter most to you keep getting postponed.

That is where this series begins.

Not with doing more. Not with trying harder. Not with adding another plan to your plan.

This is The Great Subtraction. The power of what you refuse.

The Great Subtraction is the practice of removing what is not assigned so what is can breathe.

Because sometimes the most important thing you can do is stop volunteering for what is not assigned to you.

The Myth of the Open Door: The Story We Were Taught

A lot of us were raised with the idea that opportunity is automatically a gift.

If someone offers it, it must be for you.

If it pays well, you should be grateful.

If it looks impressive, you should say yes.

But opportunity is not always an upgrade.

Sometimes it is simply a new way to stay busy.

A new way to stay needed.

A new way to avoid the quiet work you know you are supposed to be doing.

And because it is dressed up as “something good,” we do not question it.

We just accept it and call it provision, or favor, without asking whether it is aligned.

The “golden handcuffs” problem

There is a kind of commitment that does not look like a trap until you have been wearing it for a while.

It is the project that looks great on paper but drains you in real life.

It is the role that makes other people proud but leaves you disconnected from yourself.

It is the opportunity that is not exactly wrong, but it is quietly suffocating what is right.

I have said yes to open doors that looked like a blessing, then realized I was trading peace for access. I agreed because I did not want to let anyone down, and I called it being responsible. Eventually, I had to admit the truth. That door was not mine.

And because it comes with compliments, visibility, or money, we feel guilty admitting that it costs too much.

So we keep showing up.

We keep saying yes.

And we keep wondering why we are tired even when we are doing good things.

A simple question that changes everything

Here is a question I want you to sit with this week:

Is this opportunity pulling me toward my life, or away from it?

Not your image.

Not your resume.

Not what people assume you should want.

Your life.

Because you can say yes to things that look like growth and still lose ground.

The 80/20 Stress Audit

We are not fixing anything this week. We are naming it. That is the assignment.

Set a timer for 20 minutes. This is a snapshot, not a life sentence.

Step 1: List your commitments

Write down your current commitments in four categories:

1. Work and business

2. Family and relationships

3. Community and obligations

4. Personal goals and self-maintenance

Do not overthink it. Just list what is taking your time and energy.

Step 2: Circle what drains you

Now circle the commitments that consistently create stress.

Not the ones that are hard in a healthy way. The ones that drain you.

The ones that create dread.

The ones that make you feel tight in your chest.

The ones that leave you irritated, depleted, or resentful.

Step 3: Identify the 20% that produces 80% of your stress

Look at what you circled and ask:

• Which commitments produce the majority of my stress?

• Which ones create the most emotional drag?

• Which ones trigger the most mental replay?

• Which ones make me feel behind no matter how much I do?

Write those at the top of a new page.

Label them: My 20%.

Step 4: Name what the “open door” is really offering you

For each item in your 20%, finish these sentences:

• I keep saying yes because I am afraid of ________.

• This looks like opportunity, but it feels like ________.

• If I said no, I believe people would ________.

• The real cost of this commitment is ________.

• What it is stealing from me is ________.

Step 5: The hallway question

This is the question that will tell the truth:

If I keep walking through doors like this, what will my life look like one year from now?

Write the answer without editing it.

Room Notes (Private Debrief)

• What did I notice about what I automatically accept?

• Where did I feel pressure to say yes before I even thought about it?

• Who benefits most from my yes, and who pays for it?

• What did I feel in my body when I imagined refusing?

• What do I need to protect more than I need to please?

Closing

This week is not about becoming harsh. It is about becoming honest.

Because a door being open does not mean you are supposed to walk through it.

Sometimes the open door is a test of your discernment.

Sometimes the open door is a distraction in a suit.

And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is pause with your hand on the handle and ask:

Is this taking me toward my life, or away from it?

Next week, we will talk about the social cost of refusal, and what it takes to hold your no without fear.

For now, do not fix anything.

Just name the 20%.

That is how subtraction starts.

If you do the audit this week, leave a comment with one word that describes what your 20% has been costing you. If you prefer to keep it private, write it in your journal and date it.

Denise Williams

Creator and Executive Producer

She Thinks She’s Cute™